In this post we will look closer at people with love addiction and love avoidance tendencies.
Love [addicts/avoidants] are easy to identify. They have great fear of [abandonment/being controlled] stemming from childhood experiences and it shows in their distinctive mannerisms (see here).
This fear can be restated as a lack of trust in their own abilities. If push comes to shove, when do you really [abandon/control] someone? Loosely speaking and subjective to the person that is doing the deed, it is when they [don’t contribute enough/make bad decisions]. So, the corresponding lack of trust is in their [self-worth/decision-quality].
Though these two fears are closely interrelated, for one the subject's attention is focused outward “We derive our sense of self-worth from the group,” while the other has the attention focusing inward “We judge our decisions ourselves.” The interrelation is so strong that a person with either tendency will usually have both fears, but be mainly aware of one while the other is exercised subconsciously (see here).
Now this lack of trust does not manifest on every occasion. The person can feel great confidence in their [self-worth/decisions] sometime, but the feeling will decay abnormally quick and failures will be amplified in their mind.
Finally, people will sabotage themselves heavily in these respects. Addicts will undermine their worth by making self-deprecating remarks, i.e., proclaiming their shortcomings to the group. Avoidants on the other hand, will undermine their own decisions-quality by pushing off major decisions indefinitely and not follow through on already made decisions. Being more aware of the fear can help to manage this self-sabotaging behavior.